Should I even be here.

I look at my life and where I am with no real discomfort.  I have no worry for my future or my place here  or even what I waste my time with.  I have no faith outside of the occasional grounded logic that has persevered through my existence.  I believe myself to be true neutral in a world of chaotic ideas, judgements and generations of culture built upon violence.  The world is the world and I could change something, but I prefer not to attempt to alter what is a perfect animal in many ways.  My relationships falter or succeed as needed and only if two people put effort into a situation that they both want to be a part of.  Maybe this is why so many relationships fail so often.  However, I do have free-will, I don't have a fate apart from suffering the possible painful death in my time as many others may, and I certainly am not controlled by a yet unseen force outside of the community I live in, the government, or society as a whole.  So where am I now, should I be here and where does it go?  We shouldn't care what these ultimate questions point to- its a waste of time just living anyway.

Every goddamn time I see her

I don't care what she belongs to or how important her responsibilities are in her life-  I just want to fuck the shit out of her.  Its terrible to be alone even when your with someone, but its worse when you love two people so much you want to molest them both for no true reason.  I feel human.  I wouldn't kill for a chance, but I will hold onto that feeling of someday crawling up to her and offering a measly flirtatious statement and getting away with it.  Then their are the worthless vermin that scatter beneath her.  I'm not scared.  I don't care.  I know they're worthless, I know they're mindless, and completely self-destructive.  So she and the man she loves will never know how much I want to destroy and love them both.  The greatest thing about it?  I'll never know why and it might feel good if it ever happens.